Bad Luck Brandy

I’ve been “thinking”

08 Apr 2011 Leave a Comment

by bbrackett in Activities, My life Tags: bike, biking, meditating, running, swimming, triathlon

I’m reading this book and it has me asking myself questions such as:

Why am I really training for a triathlon? Do I really need that chai tea latte? What was I thinking?

First question is hard to answer. The second is hard to say, “No” to. And the final question is “Not sure, but I’ll think more.”

Few weeks ago, I planned to meditate. I went from sitting and “thinking,” to finding quiet moments to “think” such as in my car parked in the lot outside work. And I thought a lot about what I want and what I was doing.

This week I’ve tested myself. Working out has been a terrible chore. I would rather do dishes than work out.

So, I wanted to experiment with the innocent temptation of self-indulgence. And it was easy.

I feel completely guilty, but it opened me up to the hard question. Why am I training for a super sprint triathlon? The answer is, “I’m not sure.”

Then I slacked on working out and bought more chai tea lattes. I even made them at home. Suddenly, I didn’t feel guilty. Felt more satisfied than usual.

Tumbling into a downward spiral of bad behavior, especially if I wanted to accomplish a 5K in a week and a super sprint triathlon in June, I only felt mildly guilty.

I asked myself, why does this not bother me? … I know now.

It’s because I don’t care. I don’t want to train or compete. That’s it.

What was I thinking?

I think the accomplishment of my friends made me envious and I felt like I’m missing out. Ultimately, I’m OK without those rewards.

During the few weeks I tried to train, I attended my first spin class. I forgot how much I loved cycling. And I love swimming, but let’s get serious. The happiest I felt was on a bike commuting across town a few years ago.

So, this is what I plan to do:

Get a helmet, fix my old bike and go ride. Ride until I’m content.

And I will still go to the YMCA, but it will be for fun.